Hadliegh's Desire (Satan's Anarchy MC Book 2) Read online

  We never talked about family or the way that we grew up. Hell, we never talked about anything more serious than how our day was. Most of our time was spent fucking or watching movies. So, when I found out I was pregnant, I was scared shitless. Not to be a mom; I know I’ll be a good mom. I have all the experience of what not to do as far as raising a baby.

  No, what scared me was knowing my time with Psycho was coming to an end. He’s never seemed like he was too fond of kids. I mean he’s always been good with Callie and Bear’s kids, but they’re not his. It’s different when the child is your own.

  The last time I saw him, Psycho absolutely broke me with the way he talked to me. I’ve seen him go off and yell at people before, but he’s never turned that shit on me. I know he tried to get me to stop, but he said his peace, and now I have to base my decisions on the baby and how everything is going to change, and everything I’m going to have to do now.

  This new life we created is going to be dependent on me, and every decision I make is going to affect what happens from now on. I wish Psycho would be with me and we’d raise our child together, but I’m not going to force this on him if it’s not what he wants.

  Tonight, the bar is busy as hell. There are multiple clubs in here once again, and they’re all looking to party. Thankfully, they’re not giving me too much trouble since I look like I’m about ready to pop and only have three months left of this pregnancy.

  There’s a guy that stays close to the bar, and I keep looking at him to judge what he’s doing here. The only thing I know at this point is he’s not with the assholes that took me before. They were all taken care of— Psycho assured me of that.

  “Need another beer?” I ask the strange man, walking down to the end of the bar.

  “Nope. All good. Thanks, though,” he answers, turning his attention to the rest of the barroom.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “You can ask me anything you want to. Doesn’t mean I’ll answer it,” he replies, turning back to me as Chris comes out of his office.

  “Fair enough. Any particular reason you’ve been sitting here, nursing the same beer for almost two hours now?” I question him as Chris steps behind the bar to check on me.

  “Nope. Waiting on some friends is all,” he tells me, looking back at the door when it opens.

  I leave the man behind and go back to serving the rest of the customers as Chris and Donna help me out. Like I said, it’s crazy tonight, and I’m already tired as fuck. Honestly, I’m ready to climb the stairs to my apartment and crash for the night, but I have about three more hours before I can do that.

  “Need a break?” Chris asks, setting his hand on my lower back.

  “No. I want to keep working. If I stop, then I’m going to crash, and I can’t afford to let that happen,” I tell him, flashing him an appreciative smile of thanks.

  “What are you gonna do when you have to take time off? The baby isn’t going to stay inside you forever,” Chris responds.

  “I haven’t figured it out yet. Chris, I don’t know what to do. Here, I’m all alone. Yeah, I have you and Donna at work, but other than that, it’s just me. Back home, I have Callie, Bear, and the rest of the guys from the club. Not that I’m saying any of them would help me, but they’re still there,” I say, knowing that I’m whining.

  “Have you thought about moving back there? I mean, the baby’s dad is there too,” he says, knowing I haven’t told him a single thing about the baby since he found out I was pregnant.

  “He wants nothing to do with the baby, and I’m going to keep it that way. I told you that in the beginning, so please don’t push this. If Psycho wanted to find me, he would’ve done that by now.”

  “You really have no clue who’s sitting at the bar right now, do you?” Chris asks, stopping me from moving to serve another customer.

  “No. Why?”

  “The guy you were talking to over there is Psycho’s cousin. He’s in here almost daily and today is the first time he’s shown himself to you. Psycho has known where you are since you walked in here again. And he’s had that man on you just as long,” Chris says, shocking me into silence. “Tell me again he doesn’t care.”

  I let that knowledge sink in while I work the rest of my shift. Not once do I go back down to the end of the bar to serve Psycho’s cousin. Donna takes care of that end while I take care of the rest of the customers.

  They flirt and talk to me like we’ve known one another forever. It’s the same in here every night whether we’re packed to capacity or have a few random men and women in here. Tonight isn’t going to be any different just because I now know that there’s someone here looking after me.

  Finally, it’s time to close up and get the last of the customers out the door. I notice that the man, who I still don’t know his name, that was sitting at the end of the bar leaves with his phone to his ear.

  No matter how much I wish he weren’t talking to Psycho, I know he probably is. My heart rate accelerates with the knowledge, and I wish that I could see him one more time. He owns my heart; a heart I swore I’d never give to anyone, and encased in the thickest layer of ice. Psycho somehow managed to break through that and ensure I was his completely. No one will ever compare to him in any way.

  Chris comes out of his office to help us close up. I’ve noticed that he does this more and more while I’m working. He wants to get me out of here as soon as possible every night.

  I guess it’s a good thing since I’m ready to fall asleep where I stand behind the bar as I close out my drawer and split the tips between Donna and myself. Instead of the hour or so it would normally take to close, we have it done in half the time tonight. My aching feet are going to thank me. My plan is to go up and take a hot shower before falling into bed for the night.

  Tomorrow, I have the day off and plan on spending the day in bed. I’m going to read on my phone and ignore the heartache that seems to get stronger daily. I wish things were different, but it’s not, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

  Even Callie knows not to bring him up anymore. She tried to tell me about him when I first left, but I quickly put a stop to that shit. I wasn’t mean about it because it’s Callie and I just can’t be mean to her. Bear even tried to talk to me about him, but I wouldn’t let him get very far in his talk either. I know they mean well, but I just can’t hear about him right now.

  Donna and Chris walk me upstairs to make sure I get home okay. When I turn to tell them goodnight, I see a lone man hidden in the shadows, and I hope to fuck it’s Psycho’s cousin. Chris, ever observant, sees where my gaze is and slightly nods his head to let me know I was thinking the right thing.

  I almost want to go over there and chew him a new ass for keeping an eye on me. If anyone’s watching over me, it should be Psycho himself and not someone that he called to do it for him. Fuck that shit!

  “I’m going to bed. See you guys in a few days,” I say, opening my door and turning the light on so I can see as I get ready to close the door and move around the place.

  I don’t wait for Chris or Donna to answer me. Instead, I shut the door in their faces and make sure it’s locked before I hear their feet going back downstairs. Getting a quick drink of water, I take it into the bathroom and turn the faucet on to begin filling the tub.

  It’s on the hot side of warm because I don’t want to fall asleep in the tub. It’s been a long day and I’m ready for bed. But I know if I don’t relax for a few minutes, I’ll never be able to sleep yet. Not having just gotten out of work.

  Undressing, I slip down into the water with the only light coming from the bathroom. On my way here, I made sure to turn all the lights off so I can go right to my bedroom and go to bed afterward.

  At this point, I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep this going until the baby is born. Then, I know I’ll have to take time off of work, but until then, I want to work as much as possible. The way I’m feeling right now might make that difficult, though. What the hell am
I supposed to do? So many things to think about and figure out; just not tonight.

  Chapter Two

  Psycho

  MY DAYS ALL seem to bleed into one another. It’s the same thing all over— from the time my eyes open until I finally collapse into bed in the early morning hours. I go to work at the construction company, so I don’t have to think about the one person that has captured my heart and soul— Hadliegh.

  When I’m done working, I go to a gym that’s not in Shadowville to train or go to an underground fight somewhere. No one from the club knows I fight. It’s bad enough that I walk in the door of the clubhouse, grab a bottle from the bar, and disappear to my room. I barely talk to anyone or eat. I can’t when I know the shit that I spewed at Hadliegh and how she left.

  Yes, I’ve never thought about having any kids before. I didn’t want them after the way that I grew up. My mom, Corrinth, is amazing, don’t get me wrong, but Renegade, Phoebe, and I never once had a male role model in our lives.

  That led me to believe I wouldn’t know how to be a father to a child. It may be irrational to some, but to me, it makes perfect sense. Now, for the last six months, all I’ve thought about is becoming a dad. At this point, I don’t even fucking know what we’re having.

  The only reason I know anything about Hadliegh and how she’s doing is because my cousin, Hunter, said he’d hang out where she is and keep an eye on her. He’s told me she’s working for Chris at a biker bar that’s neutral territory. I know she’s tired as hell and running herself ragged while she takes care of everything on her own.

  She’s always been so fucking independent, and I know that she’s going to do everything in her power to raise this baby alone. I don’t go to her myself because I have no clue how to fix the damage I’ve done by running my mouth and treating her no better than a common whore trying to trap me.

  Tonight is another fight, and I’ve had to make another excuse as to why I won’t be around the club after I get out of work. It’s more tiring than anything else because I don’t want the club to know the danger I put myself in.

  I didn’t go the MMA or boxing route. No, I decided to go with bare-knuckle fighting. There are no rules, and any one of the guys I fight can kill me with any weapon they choose to bring into the ring. The same goes for me, but I have never brought anything to the ring with me. I want to feel my hands pounding against the flesh of my opponent, and know I’ve beaten them without having to use any sort of weapon to accomplish that.

  “Psycho, need to talk to you,” Renegade says, showing up at the construction site.

  “What’s up?” I ask, knowing he was giving me time and that time is now up.

  “You need to get your shit together. I need you on a run tomorrow, and I know you got shit goin’ on that you aren’t tellin’ anyone. Are we supposed to trust you when you constantly disappear after work? Or are drowin’ in a bottle when you choose to grace us with your fuckin’ presence?” he asks, letting his anger out.

  “I’m not fuckin’ tellin’ you a damn thing. Or anyone else in the fuckin’ club. It’s no one’s damn business but mine. You need me to go on a run, I’ll go. I’m at work every single fuckin’ day, and my life is just that; mine,” I tell him, ready to throw down with him if he doesn’t back the fuck off.

  “I know you’re there when we need you. But, you’re not livin’ your fuckin’ life. You’re on hold until you know that Hadliegh will be comin’ back to you. If you didn’t have your head up your ass, she’d fuckin’ be here by your side right now,” he tells me, like I don’t know that shit. Like I don’t think of that every single day starting from the moment my eyes pop open.

  “Whatever I’m doin’ is my own business. I have never once betrayed the club and I never fuckin’ will. I’ll be at the run tomorrow. For now, can I get back to fuckin’ work?” I ask, knowing this company is run by both of us. I don’t need to be here, but I need something to occupy my mind and my hands these days.

  “Yeah. But I’m not stoppin’ until I know what the hell is goin’ on with you,” Renegade tells me, turning on his heel and walking away from me.

  I hate that I’m keeping secrets from the club; from my brother by blood and my best friends. Hell, I can’t even tell you the last time I really hung out with Bear and Smokey. Callie’s been in contact with Hadliegh, and I know she refuses to talk about me at all. Even Bear tried, and she wouldn’t let him say a damn word.

  I had to hear that when Bear was telling Smokey. The only thing that did was ensure that I drove myself harder to work and fight. To forget the time I spent with her. I won’t even touch the bitches in the club because I know she’ll be back and I won’t have a fucking bitch act like there’s something going on with them.

  I’ve been at the gym for an hour now. My fight is the last one on the card tonight, and I’m amped up. I’m more than ready to get in the ring and beat my opponent’s ass. Renegade’s visit today fueled my rage, and I’ve been letting it simmer all day long. I even sent the men I was working with away while I demolished the walls in the house alone. It did absolutely nothing to help me get the rage out. Nothing does. It’s why I have to grab a bottle and drink myself to sleep every damn night.

  “Two fighters never showed. You’re going on next,” Clay says, walking in the locker room I’m in. Clay always gives me a room to myself.

  I nod in response and try to block all other thoughts from my mind— pushing the fight with Renegade to the back of my mind so I can think about it later on. Hadliegh is never far from my mind, but I push her away too. And most of all, I push thoughts of the baby to the back of my mind.

  The only way I win is to block everything out and let my rage take over. My body begins to vibrate with the emotions flowing through me. I can’t stand still as I wait for Clay to come back and get me. What I don’t anticipate is the door opening and Bear walking through it.

  “So, this is where you disappear to on a weekly basis? This is why you come to the clubhouse bruised and beaten,” he says, taking a seat on the bench behind me. “Why couldn’t you just tell us?”

  “Not your business. Don’t even know why you’re here now,” I say, continuing to move about the room in anticipation.

  “I’m here because you’re my best friend. You’re my brother, and whatever punishment you’re puttin’ yourself through is bullshit. If you fuckin’ want Hadliegh back, then go and get her. You’re the one that pushed her away, and you’re the only one that can bring her back,” he tells me, knowing that it’s part of the reason I’m like this right now— the way I’ve been for six months.

  “She doesn’t want me, and I don’t blame her. The way I talked to her and the shit I said . . .” I begin reliving the day like I have for so long. “Bear, I treated her like a common whore tryin’ to fuckin’ trap me into bein’ with her. I’ve been with her because I wanted to be with her. She’s easy to be around, gives me back as good as I give her, and knows the ins and outs of the club better than I thought she would. She was willin’ to give me a friends-with-benefits arrangement because it’s what I wanted. And she’s fiercely independent. I’ve never met anyone like Hadliegh in my life. And I never will again.”

  “Figure your shit out and get her home then. It’s up to you, Remi,” he says, standing up and heading for the door. “I’m stayin’ for your fight. You need to tell the guys about this. They’ll be proud of you and won’t make you stop.”

  I watch one of my oldest friends walk out the door and think about his words. Can I really bring Hadliegh back to me; back to her family? Is that what she needs right now? So many questions run through my head instead of staying in the box I need them to be in right now. Tonight and tomorrow is no room for me to have my head wrapped up in Hadliegh and the possibility of her coming home to me.

  The guy I’m fighting tonight is a lightweight. He’s new to the underground fights and has no clue what he’s doing in the ring. From what I hear, he’s known for bringing in multiple weapons to defeat his opponen
ts. And he’s only been in four fights. I hate fucking fighting these new guys. They think their shit doesn’t stink and that they’ll be the ones to win every single fight. He’s got another thing coming tonight. Let him bring on whatever he needs to try to defeat me, and I’ll teach him he’s a damn fool.

  Clay brings us to the center of the ring, and we bump fists. Archie, the fighter, has a cocky smirk on his face and he knows he’s in for the fight of his life. He’s heard of me before now. Even though he has a cocky smirk, his eyes are the window to his soul. They show he’s afraid of being in the ring with me. That he knows I’m about to pound him into the mat before he knows what’s hit him.

  The bell sounds, and I decide to play games with him while blocking everything else out. I let him get a few hits in before I begin to pound him. Hitting him with a left and then a right, I watch as he stumbles backward.

  Archie shakes his head, and I can see he’s going to get serious about our fight now. Putting his hands up, I watch as he tries to figure out what my next move is going to be. That’s not going to happen. Faking a jab, I kick my leg out and take out his right leg; his dominant leg. Archie goes down like a ton of bricks and a scream erupts from him. I launch at him and pound him with lefts and rights. The only thing he can do is try to protect his head. That just leaves his body open for an attack.

  I’m finally pulled off of him by Clay. The crowd is going crazy as everything around me comes back into focus. I look around as my hand is raised to see Bear front and center. He’s standing there with his arms crossed over his massive chest. I can’t tell if he’s proud of me or if he’s disgusted right now. That’s not my concern, though. No, what’s my concern is getting dressed and back to the clubhouse so I can drink myself into oblivion. The morning will come early and I need to be up and ready to ride. We’re meeting up with Phantom Bastards for an exchange before moving on to do a protection run for the Scavengers. It’s going to be a busy and long day.