Capone's Misery (Blazing Outlaws MC, #2) Page 2
Hollie graduated from school online. She walked the stage after Raine talked her into doing it. Afterwards, Hollie was grateful she did it instead of letting her kidnapping stop her from doing something she earned the right to do. The entire club showed up to support her and let her know how proud of her we are. After, we had a party at the clubhouse in her honor. Now, she’s doing the club’s books for our legitimate businesses.
She was uncomfortable being around everyone in the club because she’s not one that wants the spotlight shining on her, and that’s not because of the kidnapping and abuse she suffered. It’s because she’s never like to be the center of attention. Although now she’s not comfortable at the clubhouse anymore because of me.
She and Raine were out shopping one day and one of the house bunnies Raine kicked out pulled some shit. She shot Raine in the arm while she was pregnant with Satan’s baby. The bitch also told Hollie I’m fucking everyone in sight before I go home to her every day. And that I like my sex rough, I’ve shared women with Satan, and I’m demanding— things she had no right to tell Hollie.
Now, Hollie barely goes to the clubhouse unless she has to see Satan about work. Even then she tries to get him to go to her house or go to the house he shares with her sister. When he can’t meet her, she comes to the clubhouse but makes her visit quick. She’s usually in and out before anyone knows she’s been there. And it’s my fault.
Silk wasn’t wrong in her knowledge of me fucking the house bunnies or a piece of strange every now and then. I do. Spending so much time with Hollie gets me horny as hell and I don’t want to hurt her or push her past what she’s willing to give freely.
Right now, I’m lucky enough to get a hug from her and a kiss on the cheek every now and then. Any gentle touch or accidental caress from Hollie is almost enough to send me over the edge and show her how a man truly treats a woman. When I hold her in bed at night, I spend most of my time watching her sleep. It’s both heaven and hell wrapped in one.
It’s heaven because Hollie’s in my arms where I feel she’s meant to be for the rest of our lives. Holding her is pure hell because I want her so bad I can taste it. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want her. And it’s been that way since finding her in the warehouse with the rest of the women. Something about her draws me to her and I don’t know what it is.
If it were up to me, I would stop fucking the house bunnies and anyone else. I’d only be with Hollie. She’s just not ready for me. I’m waiting for her to give me a sign or a hint she’s ready for more. For a few months, I didn’t touch anyone in the hope Hollie would let me know she’s into me as more than just a friend she depends and leans on. When that hint never came, I started fucking with the house bunnies during the day before I went back to Hollie’s house.
Now, I spend more time there. Raine and Satan are living together and Hollie’s all alone at the house. At first, I told myself it’s because I wanted to make sure she adjusted to living alone. Then I admitted I wanted to be close to her. I’ll take whatever she wants to give me. At the same time, I refuse to stop fucking other women. I don’t even know why I do it, especially knowing how hurt Hollie is over it.
We talk, laugh, and I sleep in bed with her at night. But, she’s holding me at arm’s length now. She doesn’t let me in the way she used to. Hollie won’t tell me what she’s thinking about when she gets lost in her head. I think I have an idea. I know she’s constantly thinking about me with other women. It’s not hard to see it written all over her beautiful face. I’m waiting for her to tell me.
The house bunnies have nothing on Hollie. They’re skin and bones, have ten tons of make-up on them, and wear barely any clothes at all, showing more skin than they keep covered. And they come on way too strong. They’re all over any male they come into contact with and they don’t give a shit if the man has a woman or not. As long as they can try to get to ol’ lady status, they’ll stab a motherfucker in the back quick as shit.
Hollie has been putting weight on since starting counseling and getting her life back on track. She’s not skin and bones anymore. When we eat meals together, she actually eats the food and not a salad or something stupid like that. Instead of wearing skintight clothes, she wears baggy clothing that hides her body from everyone around her. For the most part, there’s never any make-up on her face and her hair isn’t teased to the point it looks painful.
I love seeing Hollie when she’s in her sweats and her hair is thrown up on top of her head. She’s lounging around the house and doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of her. There’s a confidence emerging from her I haven’t seen before and it draws me to her in ways it never has with anyone else.
It’s not like I’ve ever been in love and had my heart crushed. I’ve just always wanted the easy pussy with no strings attached.
I’m done at the clubhouse and I’m pulling up to Hollie’s house when I see her come out the door. She’s dressed in a pair of small ass shorts and a sports bra. Sneakers cover her feet and her long hair is up in a ponytail. What the hell is she doing?
“Goin’ somewhere?” I ask as I shut my bike off.
“For a run. I usually go when I take a break from the books. You’re not usually here this early,” she says, stretching in her front yard.
“I’m done for the day and thought I’d come get you for dinner,” I answer.
I don’t take my eyes off her body as she moves and stretches. The way she’s moving makes my mouth water. I want her to move like that on me. Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
“Where do you run?” I ask her, knowing it’s not safe for her to be out alone.
“Just depends. If I’m having a bad day, I run farther. If it’s a good day, then I don’t run as long. The books are always done on time,” she says, stretching some more.
“I’m not worried about the books. I’m worried about you,” I tell her honestly.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m doing fine, Capone. I go to counseling once a week and I like living alone. I’m in my own space and can do as I please without worrying about anyone else. It’s an adjustment and I’m doing okay with it. You don’t have to keep coming here to check on me. Or stay here because of some misplaced sense of chivalry or guilt you feel. Go to the clubhouse,” she says, starting her run.
I’m still straddling my bike as I watch her run away. I want to follow her, but I know it’s not going to do any good. She’s just going to turn around and go home instead of what she wants to do. I won’t do that to her. So, I turn my bike back on and head to the clubhouse. If she doesn’t want to see me, I’m not going to force her to. Maybe she just needs a day or two, then I’ll be allowed to come back into her home.
Only time will tell.
Chapter Two
Hollie
AFTER SEEING CAPONE yesterday, I ended up going for a long run. I was only planning on running a mile or so, but it was closer to four miles before I made it back home. My mixed-up feelings for him put me so on edge whenever I see him.
Part of me loves the man and the rest of me can’t stand who he is. I love his kind, gentle side. Capone has always been nothing but gentle, caring, and loving toward me. He shows me his softer side while no one else gets that part of him. I get the talks, him holding me when I need him to, and his strength when I’m not strong enough on my own.
What I can’t stand is the man-whore he is. And the man he becomes when it’s time for club business. He’s hard, unfeeling, and emotionless. I get why he has to be that way— it’s a matter of life or death sometimes in the club. However, the man-whore aspect of his life, I can’t get behind. I won’t be with someone who isn’t going to be faithful to me. If he wants to sleep with all the damn house bunnies, he can stay at the clubhouse and be with them. I don’t need him. I don’t need anyone.
Today, I’m spending the day cleaning the house. Axel is sitting outside on babysitting duty. He’ll come in for lunch and to use the bathroom, but that’s it. And he on
ly comes in because I told him I’d call Satan if he didn’t. I’m going to move my room to Raine’s old room. I don’t like being in the front of the house and that room’s bigger than mine.
I didn’t ask anyone for help to move anything. I’m not some piece of fine china that’s going to break from manual labor. I can certainly rearrange my damn house if I want to. Then I’m going to go grocery shopping. I’m tired of eating out all the time. I want some real food I can make myself. I’ve just been lazy because of the long hours I’ve spent on organizing the books for the club.
When I’m home, I actually enjoy cooking and baking some things, not that I’d bake a lot now because it’s just me here. But I love to have home cooked meals and I know the Prospects playing babysitter will enjoy them too. And I’d have leftovers for lunch the next day, so I’m saving money in the long run, not that I have to worry about that with what the club pays me.
It’s only been a few months and I already have a nest egg saved. The bills for my house don’t take a lot of money with only me here, so the rest of the money I’ve been putting away and saving for a rainy day. Or if I decide to move. Plus, I still have most of the money that’s been left to me from my parents and grandma. It won’t be long before I’ll be able to pay my bills ahead and take some time off if I want to. Maybe take a vacation away from Capone and the shit here.
Walking into Raine’s old room, I take down the curtain we left hanging up and throw it in the hallway to wash in a little while. I open the window and just stand there for a minute to take in the fresh air now flowing through the room. Grabbing the cleaning supplies, I set about scrubbing the room from top to bottom. The last thing for me to do is vacuum before I start moving my things in here.
When I walk into my room, I start taking my bed apart. It’s not hard, just awkward to move all the different pieces alone. But, I can do this, so I take one piece at a time to my new room and begin to set it up. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the extra bedroom. Maybe I’ll turn it into an office so I can have one space to do the books. I’ve always wanted a room for an office where I can shut the rest of the world away by closing the door.
As soon as my bed’s set up, I take the bedding and curtains and start a load of wash. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s lunch time so I walk to the door to get Axel. He’s sitting on the steps, playing on his phone. I’m sure he’s bored as hell with me not going anywhere or doing anything exciting. Well, I didn’t do that shit even before I was kidnapped.
“Lunch time,” I say, opening the screen door a few inches.
Axel puts his phone away and follows me inside. We make our way into the kitchen where he sits at the small table. I make us some sandwiches, grab him a beer and a tea for myself, and the bag of chips before sitting down across from him.
“What have you been doin’ in here?” he asks, taking a look at me.
“Oh, I’ve been cleaning and rearranging things,” I answer, looking down.
I’m covered in sweat and the tank top I’m wearing is molded to my chest and torso. There’s dirt smudges on it and I’m sure there’s more on my face and bare skin as well.
“What are you rearrangin’?” he asks, taking a bite of his sandwich.
“I’m moving my bedroom to the back room. Then I might go get some office furniture for the front room. Why?” I ask.
“Why didn’t you ask for help?” he asks, putting his sandwich down.
“I don’t need it, Axel. I’m capable of moving things around in my house. No one’s going to have a shit fit about it,” I answer.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” he mumbles.
We finish our lunch in silence. As soon as he’s done eating, Axel makes his way back outside. I’m sure he’s going to message someone, but I don’t care. I’ve got things to do today and no one’s getting in my way, so I make my way back to my room and begin to pull the drawers from my dresser. It will make moving it easier and I can do it alone.
After getting my dresser set back up, I start bringing in the small things. It doesn’t take long for me to finish putting my room together. Once I’m done, I switch the laundry over and head into the room I’ve just vacated. I give it a good cleaning so I can turn it into my office. Before I get groceries, I’ll stop by one of the stores outside of town and see what I can find for a desk, chair, computer, and anything else I may need for my office.
After cleaning my old room, I make my way through the rest of the house and clean it from top to bottom. Folding the laundry, I take it back to my new room and turn on the music while I make the bed. Before I can finish it, I feel Capone in the room with me. Yes, I’ve spent so much time with him, I can feel him in a room with me.
“What are you doin’?” he asks.
“Cleaning. Hello to you too, Capone,” I murmur sarcastically.
“Why didn’t you call for help?” he asks, stepping closer to me.
“Because I didn’t need it. As you can see, I’ve done it by myself. I’ll remember to thank Axel for calling you,” I tell him.
“Don’t play that card. He knew you wouldn’t accept his help and I’d kick his ass for bein’ in here alone with you. Holls, how long are you gonna make me pay for this?” he asks, sitting down on my bed and looking at me.
“Pay for what?”
“You know what. Yes, I have sex with the house bunnies. I’m not going to apologize for it. You and I aren’t together. I enjoy the time we spend together and I like hanging out with you. I’m glad you let me in enough to help you through what you’ve been through. But, you’re not ready for a relationship, Hollie,” he says, like he knows what’s going through my mind and what I’ve talked about with my counselor.
“Capone, just leave. Yes, we’re friends. And it looks like that’s all we’ll ever be. You can fuck whoever you want and it’s none of my business. Thank you for being there for me as I began healing. It’s an everyday process and I’m still working on it, but I’m stronger than I was, so you’ve done your duty to Satan and Raine and made sure I’m okay. You can leave now,” I tell him, walking from the room.
“Dammit, Holls,” Capone says, reaching me just before I walk into the bathroom. “You have no clue what I want. I want you more than anythin’ and I’m tryin’ to give you the time you need to heal. I’m the bad guy for doin’ that?”
“No, you’re not. But, you can’t stand there and tell me you want me more than anything when you’re out fucking anyone with a pussy. It doesn’t work that way, Capone. If you truly want someone, you make it known and don’t fuck everyone else while you ‘give them time’. At least not in my world. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m busy and have things to do today,” I say, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.
“Holls, I’ve made it known by bein’ here every damn day with you. By holdin’ you at night when your demons try to get you. And by comin’ by still when I know you don’t need me around as much,” he responds through the door.
I turn on the shower to drown his voice out. Right now, I don’t want to hear what he has to say. My heart is breaking and I can feel the tears threatening to spill over my lashes. The reality is, Capone wants me because I’m not someone the rest of the club shares. I’m not a virgin anymore because of what I’ve been through, but to him, I’m the girl no one’s had and that’s why he wants to have me. At least that’s what it feels like to me.
Waiting for the shower to heat up, I get undressed and look in the mirror. I’m not one to usually look in the mirror when I’m naked, especially since the kidnapping. I’ve got scars covering my torso, my chest, and my back. There’s scars going down my legs too. Today is the first time I’ve looked at the scars since getting rescued.
As I take in the different marks scarring my body, I realize something— they don’t add or detract from who I am as a person. Instead, they showcase I’ve been through something horrible and I’m still here to tell my story. These markings don’t tell anyone who I am or who I want to be
.
Do I want anyone to see these marks? No. But, if I’m going to have a relationship with a man, I’m going to have to understand they will be seen. Right now, Capone is the only man who’s seen them. He changed the bandages and kept an eye on them to make sure they didn’t get infected.
Getting in the shower, I honestly feel somewhat lighter. I’ve talked with my counselor about my scars and how I’ve never looked at them. She wanted me to try, but whenever I did before today, I couldn’t do it. I’d keep my eyes locked on my face until I turned from the mirror completely. Today is a huge step in my recovery and one I’ve needed, I just didn’t realize how badly until this second.
Once I’m dressed after my shower, I grab my keys and purse from the stand inside the doorway. I walk into the garage and get in my truck. Yes, when Raine moved in with Satan, I bought a truck. Satan went with me to make sure I got what I wanted and didn’t get screwed over because I’m a female. He got me a good deal and I put a large portion down so I didn’t have to pay as much monthly.
I press the button to open the door as I start the truck. Once it’s on, I make sure my phone is connected to the Bluetooth and open my windows. By & By by Royal Bliss blares through the speakers. As I back out of the garage, I watch Axel straddle his bike and start the engine. He’ll follow me around while I’m out shopping. I hope he doesn’t have a problem being gone for a few hours.
I’ve gotten everything I need for my office, including a brand-new computer. It’s going to be delivered in a few hours so I can get it set up the way I want. We also went to get groceries. Axel waited outside the entire time I was shopping and only got off his bike when I came out with two overflowing carts of groceries. We got them loaded in no time and I point my truck toward home.